The Lion, only conquered by Love

Contents

How we met
The Rob-Constantia connection
The fallout and Rob’s passing
Astral Wanderwege
Astral cycling
Astral Blitz
Magical Realism
Astral Wanderwege, continued
The astral Peter R. de Vries
Finding Rob, recap
Astral Wanderwege, continued
The magic (intermediate) final
“Stenny” & “Parameter”, A FOK Story In 9 Images
Footnotes

Since you left, Rob, Lion, I have seen you in my mind’s eye while I was cycling. I saw you standing on the side of the road, casually leaning against trees, smiling at me. I felt you, ‘”sitting” on my rear bicycle rack, enjoying the ride too, while you held and kissed my right hand that I held behind my back, while you hugged me from behind in joy. I saw you while you colored a rainbow in the sky for me. While my bike sped forwards, I felt you kissing me as the brilliant, flashing beams of sunlight passed through my eyelids. 

And I had so many of out-of-body experiences in 2014, the year you went away. I will tell more about it.

Bésame mucho
Besame, besame mucho,
Como si fuera esta noche la última vez,
Besame, besame mucho,
Que tengo miedo a perderte, perderte despues [twice]
Quiero sentirte muy cerca mirarme en tus ojos verte junto a mí
Piensa que tal vez mañana yo ya estare lejos, muy lejos de ti
Kiss me a lot
Kiss me, kiss me a lot,
As if tonight were the last time
Kiss me, kiss me a lot,
For I’m scared to lose you, to lose you afterwards
I want to feel you very close, see myself in your eyes, see you near me
Think that maybe tomorrow I’ll already be far, very far away from you

warmevirtuelehug

How we met

To frauds and unsubstantiated believers (are there any substantiated believers?) Rob was an angry lion they maybe even feared. But to people who really knew him, he was the soft and caring lion. He showed that warm and loving side to me publicly once, giving me a warm virtual hug (picture above). I guess people who knew him were very surprised, because Rob rarely – maybe even never – showed this side in public.

I “met” Rob on www.fok.nl in December 2005 in a mega extended topic about Dutch fraudster, self-proclaimed medium Robbert van den Broeke. Incidentally, I don’t use words like “fraud” lightly, but after many years of research, mine and others, I feel justified.1
From the beginning, I had this latent fascination for Rob Nanninga. At that time, I had never seen his picture and never met him physically, but for some inexplicable reason, his name and persona stuck.

I acknowledge that Robbert van den Broeke has been a medium in another way: he brought me into contact with Skepsis. Rob was “Parameter” on Fok and I didn’t know or realize that I was actually talking to Rob Nanninga already, but I did feel this blind recognition. The first sparks of magic occurred, especially in the first months of 2006. Reading his comments on Fok was like reading my own thoughts. I was surprised and, thrilled, but again: I didn’t know it was the chief editor of the Dutch Skepter whom I was talking to.

I made this recap (see picture series at bottom), showing a tiny fragment of our FOK communication. One day, and in a very good mood, I wrote on FOK,: “I am going to write Nanninga to tell him… “ while in fact I was talking to “Parameter” being Rob at the same time already. This was the straw for Rob, he replied per email and revealed to me he was “Parameter” (his FOK signature: “Magic is measurable – To measure is to know, if you know what to measure”). This pseudonym of Parameter wasn’t entirely to his liking anyway, being the extremely honest person he always is, keeping secrets or hiding behind nicks. He made sure I and other closely involved like Jurgen Deleye from www.grenswetenschap.nl knew he was Parameter and even signed a couple of emails to me and others with “Parameter”.

Here’s a part of the email in which he explained he was “Parameter”:

February 8, 2006

Hallo Sten,

[…]

Ook nog bedankt voor de reclame op Fok! Dat is een leuk forum. Ik zal je maar verklappen dat ik sinds enige tijd zelf post onder de naam Parameter, maar dat hoeft niet bekend te worden. Ik schrijf daar gewoon voor mezelf en niet voor de stichting.

Sommigen hebben nogal extreme ideeën over skeptici. Misschien ligt dat ook aan onze naam. Skepsis heeft voor velen een negatieve klank, al behoort eigenlijk iedere wetenschapper skeptisch te zijn. Bij de oprichting heb ik ervoor gestemd de stichting Parameter te noemen, maar de meesten vonden dat toch geen goed idee.

[…]

Hello Sten,

[…]

Also thanks for advertising on Fok! That’s a nice forum. I’ll just tell you that I for some time have been posting under the name parameter, but this doesn’t need to become public knowledge. I write just for myself there and not for the foundation.

Some have rather extreme ideas about skeptics. Maybe it’s because  of our name. To many, Skepticism has a negative ring to it, though actually every scientist needs to be skeptical. At the founding of Skepsis, I voted for the name Parameter, but most felt that was not a good idea.

[…]

I already wrote about our shared history in previous posts, Lion Hearts Part I and Part II, and on Skepsis too, and here and now, I I will dig a little deeper into what connected us.

The Rob-Constantia connection

Let me tell you about a couple, very remarkable moments in time. I had some very special out-of-body experiences (and related events) and Jan Willem Nienhuys (Rob’s friend and Secretary and board member of Dutch Skepsis) and Rob were a part of them.

On January 18, 2008 I had this OBE like event, maybe it was a dream, but with such enormous realistic impact, and so memorable, that I have declared it to be of astral and timeless impact. In this OBE like event, Jan Willem Nienhuys and Rob Nanninga visited my house in Scheveningen. They were two friends honoring me and my house with a friendly visit. I saw them walking in the streets of Scheveningen in the evening, approaching my house on the Weststraat 20 and climbing the stairs to the second floor, where Jeroen and I were living at that time. Everything was looking the way Scheveningen would usually look in the evening time. I lived there for about eight years, from 2004-2011, together with Jeroen. With genuine interest they viewed the property during a short tour and we talked some. I had a very pleasant feeling about this visit.

On April 24, 2008, I had this, again timeless, OBE like event, that bonded me with Rob forever. I already mentioned it in the other post. This time I am revealing what is is exactly, though it could be considered intimate.

It was evening/night. There was a campfire and I was in the company of men who liked me, I could tell. (I don’t remember if there were any women). As the evening progressed, we were walking or sitting around the campfire. Rob Nanninga was already sitting at the fireplace. I was walking around, close to the fire and I passed him at short distance, intending to go to the right and sit down somewhere. I could see what he looked like, although the evening light tempered my sight. He had his real-life appearance, resembling the Rob I saw in this low resolution video clip, in which he confronts Rasti Rostelli in a TV show.2 Rob stretched his arm towards me and for a moment motioned for me to remain on the spot and then pulled me towards him while looking at me with this very deep gaze filled with desire. I looked at him with wonder, but agreed without saying a word, because of what I saw in his eyes. I ended up on his lap, we both sat, legs stretched, mine on top of his, my back against his torso.

We sat there like this for a long time and I suspected by now (in the OBE event itself) we were attracting some attention because of it.

Rob loosened his grip and I now had opportunity to turn around and look at him. I was a little shocked by his aberrant teeth.

> Nota bene: March 14, 2007 I had a dream (?) about Rob’s teeth already:

I quote from my diary:

I dreamed I met Rob Nanninga, he had slightly reddish hair with a mustache and a goatee. He had strange teeth, but this was camouflaged by his mustache. He said he sometimes let his beard grow. He was clearly interested in me, we were next to each other in a trainset (…)

Moments later, the cheerful atmosphere continued and two men brought me a serenade while I was standing on a plateau. I laughed heartily. They sang: “Companies seem very small here.” Later, I interpreted this as follows: It seems that what you undertake on earth is unimportant, in my case: always trying to reduce/close the gap between skeptics and “believers”. My efforts seem(ed) mostly fruitless, senseless even, but these two men thought otherwise. Steps undertaken do seem to be very small , “the companies”, but in fact, they are a lot bigger than they appear.

For years, I didn’t tell Rob about this “event”, but I did tell him on Thursday, 31 May 2012. He never responded to it. I had only summarized the event, so it was not as detailed as I am telling you right now.

There were lots of signs that I had known unconsciously Rob was going to pass away relatively young. In retrospect, it explained my intense behavior towards him, sometimes explicitly declaring my love in words like: “Liefste Rob” (“Beloved Rob”), “I love you” and “I can see you with my eyes closed, even if you were at the other end of the universe.”3 I didn’t write like this all the time, but it slipped through my (virtual) pen now and then and again and again, I just couldn’t help myself. He often didn’t answer (directly) and as his silence was extending, I would regularly send another email with the subject: “Leef je nog?”:  “Are you still alive?”, and then he usually did answer immediately, like it was some kind of magical phrase.

He began to call himself “Bor” in the signature of some of his emails since November 8, 2011. When I asked him if he had seen the movie “Another Earth” about two earths, he told me he hadn’t seen it yet and concluded his email with the name “Bor”.
The emails thus ending with this “parallel-world name” were the e-mails in which he was most laid back. I don’t know if he used this name in emails to me only.

May 26, 2012, I had been complaining to Rob about Jan Willem Nienhuys whom I called the “King Of Off Topic” for the occasion. Jan Willem had had the nerve to compare me online with some internet troll (“Harry Smit”) and that had got me steaming, and letting it off with Rob. He, in turn, on May 27, 2012, tried to calm me, explaining to me Jan Willem was a kind of schoolmaster always eager to lecture on a broad variety of subjects, concluding his email with: “Take an example of these relaxed bonobos“. I replied: “Yes I know that monkey story already. Constantly banging around. But are you suggesting that I now do it with JW??” Then Rob went silent, but it was as if I could hear him gasping for air.

In 2012 we had a fierce collision. My feelings for him were so prevalent, it started to interfere in my daily life and I started feeling real guilty about it towards Jeroen. I told Jeroen, how often I was thinking about Rob, but he was not mad at me. Before this meltdown, Rob and I were buddying up on a more personal level, that is: he was, because I always had been “personal” to him. He started telling me about his hair color, his eyes and glasses and that he tried contacts for some time, and he sent me this photo of him and told me that “somebody” had sent it to him, not mentioning the fact that certain somebody was his girlfriend Jolanda. It was this photo:

Rob Nanninga

He sent me a short movie clip he had made with an app that had added age and movement to his photo. He obviously was in a very mellow mood.

The fallout and Rob’s passing

On June 5, 2012, I invited Rob to come visit me in the United States. I wanted to meet him and see what would happen. I had talked with my husband Jeroen about it and sent Jan Willem Nienhuys and Jeroen a copy of my invitation. This clearly caused upward momentum in our destiny. Rob obviously didn’t want to come, but seemed surprised and baffled. I confronted him and asked him if he had put me on hold for seven years, asking him if he had been honest, because, after all, this had been his trade mark. He emailed June 13, 2012, that he talked to his girlfriend about it and that he did tell her about me sometimes. He had now told her it was “over” between us and that she reacted somewhat surprised:

Ik heb haar gisteren ook meteen verteld dat het nu “uit” is. Dat vond ze wel een wat wonderlijke mededeling. “Maar ze was toch getrouwd?” “Ja, maar ik moet toch naar de VS, want dat vindt haar man geen probleem.” We hebben het er niet lang over gehad. Ze is tamelijk onverstoorbaar.

I also immediately told her yesterday that it’s “over” now. She found it a somewhat strange statement. “But she was married?” “Yes, but I have yet to go the US, because her husband sees no problem in it.” We didn’t speak about it very long. She is quite imperturbable.

Some readers will feel this is private information. Even though it is, I need to tell this, because this story would not be comprehensible without it. It explains what happened (and: what didn’t happen) in our contact. We had a serious melt down, he wrote to me that he thought we didn’t fit together. He never said he didn’t love me or had no feelings for me whatsoever. I countered that I thought we did fit together and that we would have a lot of fun together. But I didn’t know what to do and how to proceed, because I love Jeroen too.

And then this long and painful silence set in and lasted until November 2012. Even though I still thought about him every day, I now refused to email him and of course, he didn’t email me. There was some contact concerning the Robbert van den Broeke case again in November 2012 and he did sent me the “Skepter” on November 20, 2012. Then, another, very long period of silence began and it lasted until April 9, 2014.

In 2013, I repeatedly tried to reestablish contact with Rob, but didn’t succeed. I missed him dearly and couldn’t stop thinking about him. Often when I was biking, tears would well in my eyes, thinking about him, so far away, in Groningen, The Netherlands.

When Jeroen asked Rob for closure on January 27, 2013, because I had asked him to do so (hoping he would respond to Jeroen, because he wasn’t responding to me anymore), asking if Rob would be willing to email me in some “strong language” that he, Rob, had no feelings for me whatsoever, it went dead silent again. Rob didn’t answer Jeroen or me, apparently refusing to handle it this way but in fact, fueling me with new sparks about our connection, feeling I was right and it was a mutual thing. And it was not that he didn’t like Jeroen, because he always was very attentive to him, sometimes paying his respect with “Greetings to Jeroen”. This time, he just didn’t answer him. It confirmed me in my idea that Rob actually did have feelings for me. Surely, it would have been easy enough to discourage me, saying: “I don’t love you, Constantia, so forget about it.” But not to Rob, who would never say anything he didn’t mean. Again, I was hanging on a string, agonizing, hoping.

Early 2014, I had “acted funny” concerning Rob, so just months before Rob’s passing away; on the receiving end skeptics were Jan Willem Nienhuys and Pepijn van Erp. Only in retrospect, I understand, I must have had some kind of unconscious premonition. I emailed Pepijn, asking him if he ever thought about taking over editorship of the Skepter, even though I knew Rob wasn’t that old, so why did I ask Pepijn anyway? Before inquiring, I was adding some remarks about Rob’s in my opinion changed behavior, on January 29, 2014:

Wat is er toch met Rob, je ziet hem vrijwel nooit meer op internet?”

“What’s wrong with Rob, you hardly see him on the Internet anymore?

And on the same day, I wrote Pepijn:

Hoi Pepijn.

Ik begrijp het niet, vroeger was hij zo actief op internet.
Wil hij het redacteurschap van Skepter aan jou overdragen misschien?
Waar is hij zo druk mee dan?
En hoe zag hij eruit?

Groetjes,

C.

Hi Pepijn.

I don’t understand, he used to be so active on the Internet.
Maybe he wants to transfer editorship of the over Skepter to you?
What’s he so busy with then?
And what did he look like?

Greetings,

C.

After this email, I sent Pepijn another email with some more observations about Rob, how he used to be and wasn’t anymore, in my opinon, that was.

I reacted and wrote on impulse. And I had an elaborate correspondence in February 2014, with Jan Willem Nienhuys about Rob on two main topics I chose: I felt that Rob should be paid more for his work on the Skepter Magazine and the Skepsis website, and I felt it was time, that Rob had to be put in the limelight for once (by the Skepsis Board). In hindsight my “strange” behavior thus emailing with Jan Willem and Pepijn about Rob in 2014 became much more meaningful.

I bough a jade “Ruji Scepter” for Rob on eBay and had it sent to him from China without my name, because I was afraid he would refuse it, if it would have my name on it. On April 9, 2014, I finally emailed Rob again, asking if he had received it (that was months after he had received it, but I got a reminder from eBay, asking me to give the seller feedback, and I therefore had to know if Rob received it, and of course, I wanted to email him too).
To my delight and astonishment, he answered me on the same day:

Wel ontvangen, maar inmiddels weggegeven aan scholieren die aan deur dingen wilden ruilen, omdat ik niet wist wat het was en er ook geen afzender op stond (behalve China).

Groeten,
Rob

“Received but now given away to door-to-door students who wanted to swap stuff, because I didn’t  know what it was and there was no sender also (except China).

regards,

Rob”

Curiously, I then asked him what he had traded the Ruji Scepter for. He replied:

Ik dacht dat het misschien was van het bedrijf dat de USB-kaarten had geleverd, want dat zat in China. Zulke bedrijven sturen als klantenbinding misschien wel eens rare dingen. Ook van de Nederlandse firma ontving ik iets waarvan ik niet weet waarvoor het dient. Ik heb er slechts een doosje paperclips voor teruggekregen. Dat viel wat tegen. Hopelijk heeft het je niet veel gekost. Als ik had geweten wat het was, had ik hem wel bewaard. De scholieren dachten dat het een soort handvat was, maar dat leek me onwaarschijnlijk. Ze zullen het vermoedelijk weer geruild hebben.

Als troost kun je de nieuwste cd van Darkwood ophalen:

http://www.skepsis.nl/darkwood2013.zip

Vooral het tweede nummer, Fliegergedicht, is mooi.
“Wir treiben kein leichtes, vermessenes Spiel,
wir haben ein stolzes, ein köstliches Ziel!” …

Er staan helaas ook veel Engelstalige nummers op. Ik heb liever Duits.
De nieuwe Skepter heb ik ook bijgevoegd.

Groeten,
Rob

I thought maybe it was from the company that supplied USB cards, because it was from China. Such companies sometimes send, for the purpose of customer loyalty, strange things. Also, I received something from a Dutch company and I didn’t know what it was for. I only got a box of paper clips for it in return. That was a bit disappointing. Hopefully, it didn’t cost you much. If I had known what it was, I would have kept it. The students thought it was some kind of handle, but that seemed unlikely. They will probably have traded it again.

As a consolation, you can download the latest CD of Darkwood:

http://www.skepsis.nl/darkwood2013.zip

Especially the second track, Fliegergedicht is beautiful.
“Wir treiben kein leichtes, vermessenes Spiel,
wir haben ein Stolzes, ein köstliches Ziel! “…

Unfortunately, the album contains many English songs. I prefer German.
I have added the new Skepter also.

Regards,

Rob

Then it went silent again. I emailed Rob several times, trying to restore our contact further, but again, he slipped back into an unbreakable silence. I had teased him a little, saying the Ruji Scepter wás like a ‘handle‘, a handle for a better life. My second last email to him before he passed away, was an email with the subject: “I still have it all :-)” on May 8, 2014. The body of my email containing only the link to the YT clip he had sent me on December 5, 2011 : The Black Keys – Lonely Boy.

In my last email on May 12, 2014, I was shiftlessly trying to get it right with him again, ending my email saying:

Ik hoop dat je weet dat ik veel van je houd (in ieder geval als vriend), en dat dit niet veranderd is en nooit zal veranderen.
En dat je hier geen waardeoordeel aan geeft, het is namelijk de waarheid.

Constantia

I hope you know how much I love you (as a friend anyway), and that this has not changed and will never change.
And don’t give a value judgment here, as it is the truth.

Constantia

The message of doom came on May, 30 2014 when Jan Willem Nienhuys emailed me. I was totally devastated and had felt something was wrong, exactly at the time of Rob’s passing away. I already told about this in Part II.

I started this blog, part III of Lion Hearts, planning to tell about my frequent OBEs since Rob’s passing, not to write “our story”, but along the way, I noticed I wás writing our story instead before reaching the OBE point at all. The story was extending and I now felt that I had to be as in-depth as possible, so I looked things up, wanting to give it the solid base it always had. In retrospect, I can see this is like a jigsaw puzzle now falling into place. This is not making it any easier for me, in fact, it hurts badly to relive it all, again and again, but even to me, it is strangely unraveling how in hindsight everything so much seems “meant to be”. Now, finally, I have reached the “OBE point” and I will I list my most eye-catching astral experiences triggered by Rob’s passing.

 

 


Astral Wanderwege

My out-of-body experiences all occur in the evening, night or early morning. Sometimes I have astral experiences in the daytime too, especially in 2014 to the time of this specific blog, Lion Hearts Part III,  2015.

Astral Cyling

I will start with my “cycling experiences”. I already mentioned before that I often cry in silence while cycling in Davis and surrounding areas, thinking about Rob, being so far away, while he was still alive.
From the day he passed on, my cycling tears could still be seen, but now I was tearing up because of his passing. For some time now, I have been cycling rather far distance, that is: what I consider rather far: on average between 42 and 46 miles (68-74 km) and this takes me about three to three and a half hours, not being a race-cyclist, and not counting the stopping intervals. I mostly return home after about four hours.4 I guess cycling brings me in an “Alpha state of mind”,  in daily life meaning: obviously my brain sets in some kind of “meditation modus”. Please note that I have no affinity with new age “hypes” like yoga and meditation (though yoga has been around for quite some time), and I that I even feel aversion towards “trends” like that, but there is something substantial to the different types of brain waves.5 I think by cycling for longer periods of time, my mind sets into a very perceptive, trance-like modus that promotes a bridge between Rob and me, bringing both bliss and torment.

Since he passed away, I have been “seeing” and feeling him during my long rides, especially in the surroundings of the little town of Winters and Vacaville , thus, living in Davis myself, when I cycled some distance already. My cycling has become like a mind date with the astral Rob, and on some days I really feel the need to go cycling again, because I want to “see” him like that.5

I especially “see him” leaning against the omnipresent olive, walnut and almond trees; casually “hanging out” there, sometimes partially hidden, but always looking and smiling at me.

Once in a while, I have this feeling he’s “sitting” behind me on my bike rack, as my bike companion, enjoying the ride as much as I do, holding my right hand that I stretch behind my back as a sign that I hope or know he’s there. I have felt the soft, warm Californian air filled with his warm and loving being, I’ve seen him in my mind’s eye, eager to make me happy while painting rainbows in the sky. When closing my eyes and the light shattering my vision, there was this image that I was laying down with my eyes closed, like in fresh morning light and Rob kissing me on my lips.

Astral Blitz

It didn’t take long before I started feeling Rob’s presence after May 30, 2014. On June 5, 2014, like I mentioned before, I left for South Lake Tahoe on my own. Jeroen was away for a long-established work Drupal Congress in Texas all week long (as if this all was meant to be), and I had to deal with Rob’s passing alone. So I went away and drove up to this beautiful place. First, I planned to stay only one day and night, but I extended my stay, and booked another night in the hotel. There, for the first time after he passed away, he manifested himself, if I have interpreted the events right, and to this day, this remains undecided. I was walking at South Lake Tahoe and it was like he was there at my side. Suddenly I “heard” him saying both shy and eager: “Afterwards,  we go to your room?” It was like we were having a date. I won’t elaborate on this further, because the events were very exploratory and somehow remained nebulous, but hence, in these days, June 5-7 2014, Rob had already “returned” to my life.

It took about one month after that, then my OBEs count started skyrocketing. Normally, I’m having an OBE or OBE like event every 8 days on average, this number now turned to a staggering once in 3.4 days! Since 1986 I have recorded my dreams and OBEs on a daily base, and in this manner, I’m able to keep a reliable track of everything.

Here’s a graph:

OBE
YEAR
YEAR OBE
COUNT
1 1986 4
2 1987 16
3 1988 19
4 1989 40
5 1990 53
6 1991 32
7 1992 51
8 1993 48
9 1994 44
10 1995 52
11 1996 50
12 1997 78
13 1998 70
14 1999 61
15 2000 56
16 2001 53
17 2002 52
18 2003 38
19 2004 44
20 2005 47
21 2006 47
22 2007 45
23 2008 40
24 2009 42
25 2010 40
26 2011 38
27 2012 36
28 2013 43
29 2014 80– 55 involving Rob
– Before he passed away: 4
– After he passed: 51
TOTAL OF
29 YEARS
1319
AVERAGE PER YEAR 1319 : 29
YEARS =
45.50
AVERAGE SPREAD 365 DAYS : 45.50 = 1 EVERY 8 DAYS
JUNE 1 ’14

DEC 31 ’14SINCE ROB’S
PASSING

=
214 DAYS
63214 DAYS : 63

=

1 EVERY 3.4 DAYS

Let me start with the immediately preceding years. I count eighteen OBEs and significant dreams about Rob in 2012. This was the year he and I started to communicate on a more two-way, personal level. Most of these events include astral love, eroticism and some surprising dreams about Rob moving to the USA and living in my direct surrounding, even in the same house as me.

I had this astral image on April 27, 2012, Rob said: “Altijd u bescherme”; this is rather old Dutch, meaning: “Always protecting you”.

On February 17, 2013 he embraced me astrally, standing behind me (reminding of the powerful OBE in 2014 in which Rob found me after I had been searching for him, see this blog and Lion Hearts Part II.

March 15, 2013, I had this special dream: Rob wrote me a note, starting with “Mia Bella “.
The astral trend continued in 2013, with yet again a significant, OBE like event on July 14, 2013, about Rob moving to the USA. He was smoking outside at the front side house of our house in Davis, shy, like collecting the courage to court me before knocking on the door or ringing the doorbell. At the time of that event, I didn’t even realize that he smoked (at least: not that I remember, he never told me) but in 2014 – after his passing – his girlfriend Jolanda sent me a photo of the both of them, as he was holding a cigarette, so Rob did smoke.

Only in January, 2017, I realized it can be observed in this photo too, as he is seen rolling a cigarette:

robnanninga1989
Rob Nanninga, photo courtesy Skepter https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skepter

In this OBE like event he picked a very tender and cute tiny yellow flower and gave it to me. I had sixteen OBEs and significant dreams about Rob in 2013.

So I finally arrived in 2014, bear with me. I will give some examples of what happened during the frequent OBEs and similar events in 2014.

The year started off significantly, with a meaningful event about Rob on January 26, 2014. Jeroen and I were staying in South Lake Tahoe in a hotel and I saw this astral? image in my mind’s eye: I had unintentionally left a rather cryptic note about Rob somewhere, it wasn’t meant for him, but in some inexplicable way, he had received and read it. There were some symbolic phrases in it, and I let shimmer through clearly that I needed and loved him and that I wanted him to come to me. I had written in an encrypted manner, still it could be decrypted.

On July 5, 2014, Rob visited me and was making love to me. I could only feel him, not see him, but I knew it was him.

Astral Rob pissed me off on August 1, 2014 by comparing me to fellow Skepsis commenter, a lady called A. Atsou-Pier, saying to me that she was an intellectual heavyweight and I was not. Later, I figured it was exactly his intention to piss me off, because he wanted me to challenge myself more intellectually, and it’s true, I tend to be lazy in that way.

Magical Realism

Something very remarkable happened on August 26, 2014. I’m absolutely sincere when I say that I couldn’t have come up with it myself. So what happened? I was very frustrated astrally looking for Rob. I was in a kind of concourse, hovering around in spirit, calling his name out loud: “Rob Nanninga!” Though I did see a lot of people around there, Rob wasn’t one of them. I arrived at a higher elevation spot and dropped myself down while very desperately and dramatically calling Rob’s name: “Rob, Rob!”. I had the intention of flying, I was not astrally suicidal. Falling in spirit is hardly as dramatic as falling on Earth. A paperclip seemed to be falling as well and it touched my finger and I thought very disappointed: What’s this, a paperclip? Just before returning to my physical body, I heard Rob’s distant call, calling out my name and some additional words. I couldn’t hear what he was saying, but it was clear, he was in fact answering me.

In my earthly consciousness it suddenly hit me: the paperclip! It wasn’t meaningless as I had assumed during the OBE. Remember I bought Rob this little gift, the jade Ruji Scepter, and that he had been trading it off to door-to-door students for a box of paperclips? There you have it. I had teased Rob with this box of paperclips, though as mentioned, he wasn’t responding to me anymore after his two emails in 2014. On April 10, 2014 I emailed him:

Heb je je doosje paperclips nog goed kunnen benutten?

Did you make good use of your box of paper clips?

This paperclip was like something to hold on to, proving in a way, that this all in the end is significant…

This experience, and not only this one, seem to fall perfectly under the umbrella of magical realism and yes, Rob talked to me about this too on Februar 25, 2006. He was disclosing his one and only OBE and sharing some of his experiences with remarkable and predicting dreams with me. He told me about a “magical” visit he made to the Flemish city of Bruges, I quote some of what he wrote:

Daarna ben ik nog maar 1 keer in een soort paranormale roes geraakt. Dat was tijdens een korte vakantie in Brugge waar ik met twee anderen een meerdaags sprookjescongres bijwoonde. Die week leek veel op een magisch realistische roman. Er gebeurden een heleboel verrassende dingen en wonderlijke coïncidenties die allemaal met elkaar samenhingen, alsof er niks toevallig gebeurde.

After that, I landed in a kind of psychic intoxication only one more time. That was during a short holiday in Bruges where I attended a multi-day conference about fairy-tales with two other people. That week seemed much like a magical realist novel. A lot of surprising things and miraculous coincidences happened, all linked together, as if nothing happened by chance.

Astral Wanderwege, continued

September 8, 2014, in my mind, I was literally begging Rob to come visit me, to embrace me and so on. I landed in some strange atmosphere, I wasn’t in my Davis bedroom anymore. But after returning there, I again begged him to come to me, and finally, he did. But his behavior was a little awkward. This is something I have noticed a couple of times during my OBEs with him. I can come up with a couple of reasons: inexperience with the astral world with regard to moving astrally on the earthly plane, shyness and uncertainty, “back burner effect”: erotic love life that on Earth has been neglected for quite some time and thus time needed to get into the right flow again. Maybe there are other/more reasons.
This wasn’t always the case, on other astral occasions he acted very decisively. I saw him only vaguely again, he is not showing himself very clearly unfortunately. I kissed him on the head. At the end he sang an English folk song to me! , but I didn’t know which one and I wasn’t able to remember the phrases of the song.

In my quests for Rob, I on several occasions ended up on campus ground. During out-of-body experiences your astral body is automatically drawn towards sites that bear meaning to you, and in this case: to your loved one (as well). I suspect astral “campus ground” is a place Rob feels comfortable in. Some  skeptics may think that this is what my mind has come up with. But wouldn’t it be not amazing that my mind would build a whole “astral’ world around Rob, to make me a believer? If a brain is capable of being so cunning, then in my opinion we shouldn’t be surprised that it is cunning enough to escape the boundaries of the physical body and world as well. But for now, we only can guess what the real possibilities are.

The astral Peter R. de Vries

I had the most weird OBE on September 21, 2014. So there I was, on campus ground, and looking for Rob again. There was this chilly air that I really felt and OBE experts will acknowledge this is rather unusual. After all: as a spirit, you hardly feel the cold or warmth for that matter, hardly feel pain, if any.6 Let me try to summarize the event. Despite of the cold wind, I remained resolute: I wanted this OBE to last and I didn’t want the cold wind get to me and make me return to my body prematurely. Out-of-body experiences are very sensitive events; disturbances related to physical feelings and sensations will immediately cause the OBE to be terminated.  Examples are a physical knocking on your door while you are “out”,  slipping off the blanket of your physical body or a full bladder.

I searched the streets and buildings, looking for Rob. “Rob!,” I called out loud, “Rob, where are you?”
The most strange thing happened. A spirit with the appearance of Dutch investigative journalist Peter R. de Vries appeared in the hall right in front of me. He was very clearly waiting for me at the end of hallway. To those for whom the astral action is new: spirits can shape shift, albeit for a short time. After a willed shifting in appearance, they will unrelentingly go back to their most appropriate, real form, just as soon as they let go of their determination to appear in such and such manner. Or could this have been the real Peter R. de Vries on an astral journey he afterwards didn’t remember, as this is a possibility too? Was my mind playing out some grand trick? I don’t know. It could be Rob himself, role-playing in the astral world. But this spirit was looking at me with this very serious and eager facial expression. He wanted to tell me something very important, I could see it on his face. He wanted to give me a clue in my quest for Rob. For your reassurance I can tell you, I was as baffled as you probably are (if you care at all), reading this. I thought unbelieving: what is this, why, for crying out loud, does this need to be so complicated?
I moved myself towards him.

He pointed at the collar of his jacket. It contained several layers. I said: “Looks like a good coat to me, is it a pilot’s jacket? He informed me: “This collar contains folders and photos. Do you think it has a transmitter?” I replied: “Yes, I would think so; without it, communication to the outer world wouldn’t be possible. I guess some kind of “browser” will be needed.”

With a firm expression on his face, he said: “No, there is no transmitter in here. It works with particles of light, they should fall in the right position, then folders and photos will become visible.” I said: “Oh, is that it?” Was I supposed to solve some kind of riddle here? To my astonishment, he didn’t confirm what he just said, but informed me: “You should ask Mr. Nanninga.”
I quote my diary, I thought: What the f… is this? The journey had taken too long already, I had to return to my body. Lying in my bed again, I was baffled, absolutely stunned. Was I sent out on some sort of quest to find Rob, was that it? Hadn’t I waited long enough for Rob? Of course, I already had a lot of astral encounters with Rob, but he doesn’t really show himself, so I can take a real good look at him. And then this to me so familiar, sympathetic and pedantic tone of voice of “Peter R. de Vries”. It could have been him, it certainly was a glorified imitation (if it was an imitation). This spirit was very polite and sized up, just like the real Peter R. de Vries. Could this be Rob himself, shifting into another form, trying to accomplish something? Well, Rob, it isn’t working, it’s too complicated for me. Writing this blog, it struck me: the “layers” could refer to the different layers of our existence, the very physical to the very ‘enlightened’ (and unphysical) ones… Was this some kind of clue how to make the astral world visible? Or was it something else?

Once again returned in my body, I heard music of “The Alan Parsons Project” in my mind, of their album “Gaudi”, “La Sagrada Familia“, some of the lyrics:

– only now, as I write this on January 10, 2015, I see it (bold and color):

[…]
Who knows where the road may lead us, only a fool would say
Who knows if we’ll meet along the way
Follow the brightest star as far as the brave may dare
What will we find when we get there?
[…]

La Sagrada Familia, the wind has changed the storm is over
La Sagrada Familia, for the lion and the lamb
La Sagrada Familia, we thank the lord the danger’s over
La Sagrada Familia, there’s peace throughout the land

[…]
Who knows where the world may turn us, only a fool would say
Who knows what the fates may have in store
Follow the light of truth as far as our eyes can see
How should we know where that may be? How should we know?
[…]

Then the angry skies, the battle cries, the sounds of glory
And for all those years our eyes and ears were filled with tears

Who knows where the road may lead us, only a fool would say
Who knows what’s been lost along the way
Look for the promised land in all of the dreams we share
How will we know when we are there? How will we know?
Only a fool would say

La Sagrada Familia, the war is won the battle’s over
La Sagrada Familia, for the lion and the lamb

La Sagrada Familia, we thank the lord the danger’s over
La Sagrada Familia, behold the mighty hand
La Sagrada Familia, the night is gone the waiting’s over
La Sagrada Familia, there’s peace throughout the land

Until the next time, until the next time
La Sagrada Familia

Read more: The Alan Parsons Project – La Sagrada Familia Lyrics | MetroLyrics

 

Finding Rob, recap

Nine days later, I got rewarded big time. I told about it earlier. Rob found me. I will be so free to quote that particular event, just skip it if you already read it:

In the early morning of September 30, 2014, I was looking for him again during an OBE. The evening before, I said to Rob in my mind: “Rob, if it that difficult for you to show yourself, please come in a way you can bear, but do come.”
I had two out-of-body experiences this early morning. I had extended my search method: I now called his name, but did more than call him. I spoke to people (spirits), giving them his full name: “Do you know Rob Nanninga?” “Have you seen Rob Nanninga?” “If you do, would you please tell him, I’m looking for him?” And I had found another method: I was writing his name on small pieces of paper, handing them out to people (spirits).

Again, I realize very well, skeptics will raise their eyebrows, and maybe, not wanting to appear too mean or grim, will say, I’m dreaming, for sure. But I don’t see valid evidence that people can’t go out of their bodies or move away from a physical point of view/experience. While being a skeptic myself, I still believe and think out-of-body experiences are to be taken very seriously. Maybe few people will give this a second thought.

So, there I was, having a second out-of-body experience, after having heard the famous buzzing sound before going out of body.6 I was writing his name on a piece of paper at a counter, planning to give it to the spirit guy behind it. The out-of-body experience was much more elaborate than this, but I’m summarizing the main event.
Suddenly, I felt his strong arms hugging me from behind me and Rob’s (astral) body pressing against mine in a bear hug. Taller than me, with his head bend downwards, he was crying intensely with jolts while embracing me. An immense relief came over me, an immense happiness. I just knew it was him, this is like instant knowledge you have during OBEs.

I found him. Or rather: he found me! For whatever reason he had come, finally. I suspect he couldn’t bear my fruitless cries for him any longer. A huge burden fell off me, because now, my desolate quest was over. I stood very still; a very experienced astral traveler, I know hectic movements can disturb an out-of-body experience, and I certainly didn’t want to disturb this one. But I reached backwards with my arm for him and pressed his arm, to at least respond in some way, other than by being blissfully happy. (Which he certainly felt).

Then this OBE was over and I returned to my body, and still felt he was holding me for about or minute or so, a very clear felt embrace, in my physical body as well. My sweet lion, I found him, he found me! Then, emotions got the best of me, again.

I was so happy and still am, because of this fortunate turn of events.

Astral Wanderwege, continued

In the evening of October 24, 2014, I had some sorts of an Rob-epiphany. I had kissed the portrait of Rob I made, I kissed him on the mouth:

Rob Nanninga, by Constantia Oomen

and to my shock, it was as if Rob kissed me back, as if the portrait had moved forward towards me or come alive for a couple of seconds, as if he wanted to both tease me by this sudden answer, and love me right back. Quite literally it was as if lightning struck. After that, I was sitting on the couch and my whole body and mind were in utter bliss.

On October 30, 2014, there was this very long and blissful encounter. Rob was loving me for hours on end. I calculated it had lasted for three hours, based on the start and end time of the event. I had been awake for some time and was aware of the time I fell asleep and the time I returned from this astral encounter so I could count back the hours.

On December 12, 2014, I received three hate emails from aforementioned Robbert van den Broeke. I won’t dwell on this here, but let’s summarize it with the fact that Robbert is not pleased with my constantly being on his back (public and semi-public) in regards to his fraudulent activities since 2005. Sometimes when I bump into people who are engaging themselves in the “paranormal” world and hate my guts, I get attacked by “Hades” at night, that is: I get attacked by negative force fields or whatever you would want to call it (if you are willing to go along with me). But not this night of December 13, 2014, I had this humorous dream and I had to laugh out loud while having it. After that, I had an interesting dream as well. I felt Rob was protecting me against bad Robbert van den Broeke  (for old time’s sake, I am using this giddy FOK emoji).

The magic (intermediate) final

December 16, 2014, I again had an amazing astral journey, with a magical spike to it in my opinion only Rob could have come up with, and I will conclude this blog with it. There is much more to tell, but maybe some other time and place.7

After this out-of-body experience, I immediately emailed Jan Willem Nienhuys and Pepijn van Erp, telling them about it. I will use this summary because the OBE in fact was much longer, too long for this blog, so here it is:

I just had a really great, long astral journey that seemed to have been orchestrated by Rob.
I needed more than forty-five minutes just to write it down in my diary and, to me, that is a long time.

I’m not going to write it all down again, but it started with me laying awake at night for the umpteenth time, unable to find some sleep. I asked Rob in my mind if he could tell a me a “bedtime story”, so that I could finally relax and fall asleep.
He then did tell me a short story that I found very poor and besides, it was much too short. In hindsight it was a very short parable, something to boost my self confidence. I teasingly said to him in my mind, “Never ask Rob Nanninga to tell a story, he’s the worst storyteller.”

But after that, I did fall asleep and ended up in an astral setting. Rob apparently had his revenge and the “story” had very quirky twists and was also frequently downright humorous. I was in a very large building, rather castle-like, unearthly large spaces everywhere and I hovered around there. I searched Rob again. There were some little intimate details I will not repeat here. This was linked to the short parable that Rob told me that was about me. Having lots of fun, I called out for Rob, “Rob, where are you?, please come, you can do it!”,  while I jumped into the deep and floated in the air.

It ended with a lot of “exaggerated” fanfare that was clearly staged by Rob. I was to meet him at a train station where he would arrive by train. There was a lot of music on the platform and a male voice-over promotion, a noisy commercial advertisement for the famous Dutch Fairy Tale Attraction Park, the Efteling, blared from the platform speakers. It was all very exuberant and over the moon. The Efteling is very traditional Dutch: everyone in and beyond the Dutch borders loves “The Efteling”. Inwardly, I had to laugh heartily.
Although the platform was very crowded at first (and the train had also been unloaded) and I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to find Rob in this large crowd, he suddenly appeared all alone, no more other people were seen. He evolved from behind frosted, light transparent passage doors and alone onto the platform.
Immediately noticeable were his impeccable gentleman looks, smart clothes and physical fresh appearance. He had short hair. It was Rob in his younger appearance (obviously). Apparently still a bit shy, he wore sunglasses. I asked: “Rob?” My hand already reaching for his chest, as if it, sooner than I, had already recognized him. He was looking at me, waiting with a neutral, maybe slightly playful expression on his face.
And pop, I was back in my physical body.

Much more happened in between.

This was highly exquisite. Rob avenged himself after I teased him with: “Never ask Rob to tell a story.” The scene on the platform was downright fantastic humorous, with this commercial spot of the Efteling. It was so purposely overdone, and yet the serious but especially blissful setting – that I was finally going to meet him – remained completely intact.

“Stenny” & “Parameter”, A FOK Story In 9 Images

Click on Gallery for full view!

Footnotes

[1] In fact, I opened the the major part of the fifty-two sequels of this topic. Here’s a link to Sequel 52 where all the previous sequels are linked.

[2] I already mentioned this in Lion Hearts Part II. Back then, I had only seen a very low res version of the TV show “Het Zwarte Schaap” (“The Black Sheep”) in which Rob Nanninga was confronting RastiRostelli. Many years later (about ten), on October 21, 2015, friend and Skepsis board member Pepijn van Erp emailed me about this clip, knowing I would be interested. He had found a high res version of it and provided me with the linkFrom Wikipedia: In 1994, Nanninga wrote an exposé about hypnotist Rasti Rostelli –who amongst other things claimed to master telekinesis–, and during a 2001 episode of the television show Het zwarte schaap (“The Black Sheep”), Nanninga demonstrated that Rostelli was actually using well-known (and sometimes dangerous) magic tricks without openly admitting to it, thus misleading his audience. On behalf of Skepsis, Nanninga offered him 10,000 guilders to prove without tricks he had paranormal powers, but Rostelli refused. Article Rob Nanninga wrote about Rasti Rostelli

[3] I told about this in the previous blog, Lion Hearts Part II.

[4] The cycling mileage I was referring to in this blog changed shortly after, since 2015-2016 I have been cycling on average for about 50-70 miles per cycling trip, so I upped it later on.

[4] For further reading, take a look at for example the research of the Monroe Institute regarding binaural beats: The Monroe Institute – binaural beats. It is a fairly generally accepted idea among astral travelers that astral travel is promoted, or even made possible by synchronization of the two brain hemispheres, which can be achieved by listening to these binaural beats.

[5] I will tell more about this in Lion Hearts Part IV, as this cycling connection with Rob continued and intensified in 2016 and beyond.

[6] I wrote about astral aspects like these extensively myself, even providing my readers with a “Little Guide” to all kinds of aspects of the spirit world, in my first, Dutch book “Door het Raam”: “Through The Window“: Sten Oomen, Door Het Raam, Uitgeverij Schors, 2004: Gewijzigde en uitgebreide druk van de uitgave uit 2000 (Sigma Press), Amsterdam. Chapter 3: “Kleine gids voor de wereld van geesten”: “Small guide to the world of spirits” (page 59-112)

[7] Indeed there is another time and place, read on in Lion Hearts Part IV, published two years later.

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